reflections on microdosing

My interest in microdosing (which I had not heard of prior to 2020) started specifically after learning of the studies taking place at Johns Hopkins, (https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/research/psychedelics-research) touting psilocybin to be a breakthrough medicine, effective in treating a multitude of mental health conditions. Having ongoing struggles with moderate depression, I’ve also sought help in treating anxiety, PMDD, and a chain of health complications due to being a type one diabetic my entire life. After deciding to try this for my mental health, I was having trouble in sourcing this option, and decided with my partner, to grow our own.

I tried to microdose while I was on an SNRI (antidepressant), and thought the effects were diminished significantly, and was having other issues with it, so with the help of my doctor, I stopped taking it. (She immediately questioned the safety, and my source. I told her my husband was growing them, and that’s as safe as I can get! She tried to steer me into thinking they are addictive, which they are not, and I assured her I’d done my research there. I mentioned the emerging John’s Hopkins studies, and she agreed to help me to come off of the meds, reluctantly.)

I started off by filling capsuless by hand, weighing in at 300mg/.3g each. While I was on the SNRI, this dosage was barely noticeable, but as my body adjusted to not taking it, I found the 300mg dosage was giving me a lot of euphoria. I started with a 5 day on, 2 off schedule. (Great! I like euphoria! It helped my mood a lot, but at times I felt I shouldn’t take it while working as I was feeling more loopy/couldn’t concentrate much). I started reading about things I could add to the capsules, if I started filling them with less of the dosage. I stuck to a microdose of 250mg with added cacao for several months, and really noticed a lot of benefits. My mood seemed brighter, like I was kinda just giddy and happy go lucky for no other reason. I had more energy, it helped me look forward to going to work at my budtending job, which at times was stressful due to work environment, I’m very empathic and can stick to negative interactions or experiences more than I’d prefer. In my real life am not very outgoing, but felt it was easier to form connections with people.

Beyond that, I found it was much easier to focus on things, to maintain concentration, which has never been very easy for me. It would help me access more creativity if I were to dose on a day where I was working on a creative task.

Although I felt that studying and applying cognitive behavioral therapy during this period helped me a ton with anxiety and depression, I noticed a large difference in how little things that used to set my anxiety off, were easier to shrug off and let go.

For a long time, I would feel incredible on the days I would dose, but my off days were somewhat of a return to baseline, and I found especially in the beginning, were a challenge. But then, something amazing happened. I started to feel really good on the days off, too. This prompted me to start to cut back my schedule, first to 4/3, then 3/2 or 2/1. I started to take capsules more intuitively, like today feels like a good day to take one, or maybe not today as I’ve been taking them a lot lately and could use a day off.

Then, I took a whole week off. And felt totally ok with that. I truly believe that this regimen has helped to treat my conditions in ways that at least 5 different pharmaceuticals (I’ve tried many!) have not been able to. Overall, I think the difference is that I’m no longer trying to suppress negative feelings, I’m trying to acknowledge them and think of better ways to cope, better ways to think about things.

This isn’t to say I don’t have hard days, moments of self doubt, burdensome guilt, negative self talk, or just straight up sadness. These last few years+ have been incredibly difficult for so many reasons, and for a long time I felt my depression was largely situational. But we all have bad days. It’s human. And I really think that microdosing has helped me to be a better and more efficient, optimistic and unbreakable human.

And, as a side note, I’ve been an avid cannabis user for years. Cannabis has the downside of building up a tolerance, so it would always be nice to feel the need to smoke less. With regular microdosing, I noticed that smoking started to feel less “necessary”, or more frivolous. I found (slightly-) less of a desire to smoke 24/7. I’ve found that my desire for alcohol has also lowered a lot. I would set out to drink a few beers and find myself stopping after one. Or not even really wanting to drink. Which is awesome! I believe there is a lot of hope in psychedelics used for addiction therapy as well.

Sticking to a schedule and learning to alter it to fit my needs was key. After a few months of being able to see I had started to feel better on my off days, I decided to take a larger break, which I often see recommended. My goal was two weeks. I ended up taking a 17n day break, and during that break I determined that I don’t actually need psilocybin anymore to feel good. It can definitely enhance things, and I still microdose on occasion if I’m trying to lean into having more stamina to get something done, or if I know I play to spend a good chunk of time outdoors, its still useful to me. But I know I’m capable of adopting a more positive mindset and sticking to it, even if things get rough, without psilocybin. It’s a major catalyst in being able to access gratitude in my life. I’ve said it many times but I believe that gratitude is the opposite of anxiety, and you can’t truly feel both ways at the same time. Choose gratitude!